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Delphic Utterances of the TradeWyfe

Extended version of 'The Rapture of the TradeWyfe' from THE BLACK HOLE OF MONEY

Published onNov 18, 2022
Delphic Utterances of the TradeWyfe

In the words of the Runestone Cowboy (the unreliable narrator of our play THE BLACK HOLE OF MONEY):

Now it’s time to tell you about the TradeWyfe. And quite frankly, I don’t wanna. Sticky business alright, hee-haw. Oh yeah, she was real alright, not just an icon to paint on your mining rig. She was a mathemagician, and could solve mining hashes in her mind… one thing led to another and her bathwater became a holy relic. Every dome city in the Northern Hemisphere made her their Patreon Saint. She settled down in the richest, most powerful dome in the land and took her pick of the devs as concubines: two dozen of ‘em, if the rumours are true. They got up to all sorts of off-chain swapping… things that would make even the most degenerate coin flipper red in the face. The manifestosterone destiny is strong with these ones, grand theft autism will do that to ya, hee-haw. Asperger was an Austrian you know, just like Mises and Rothbard. I think you know what I’m getting at. 

From those murky jacuzzi waters, the Son of Bitcoin was conceived. An Immaculate Miss-Coinception if ever there was one. The faithful coiners, they went off the deep end. She went from being glorified, to beatified, and then deified. Today, she's a phantasmic fantasy, 'twixt Madonna and martyr.

Excerpt from THE BLACK HOLE OF MONEY play script, publication forthcoming

Did someone mention the witches in the Scottish play? No? Here’s an extended version of the TradeWyfe’s Delphic statements, with parts borrowed from other CPRU works such as The Necroprimitivist Manifesto:

White Boy Zero-Summer
Parade / Trade, Womb / Tomb, Life / Wyfe 
Manifesto Destiny
Fork around and find out
Sacred cow, hammer and plough, we must summon the apocalypse DAO
Tallowed Be Thy Name
Iron ore d'oeuvre
Our Satoshi, Who Art Frozen A Head of His Time

“we are the clock operators, we are the hashers of strings”
$MY code, made flesh
The Turing Shroud, Corpus Algorithmi 
Proof-of-Burnt-Offerings For An Indifferent God
An I/O for an I/O, a proof for a proof.
Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbour’s Clocks
If nature is unjust, destroy nature.
Satanic Metaversessssss!!!!

What Would Robin Hood Do?
Cube Goldberg Machine!
O Come All Yield Faithful
Universal Basic Interregnum (UBI)
Incellular Automata
Necro economicus
Pedagogy of the Depressed
The Debt Drive

Rage Against The Machine Learning
As You Love To See It
Ouroboris Yeltsin
Botsdamer Platz
“hyperobjection, your honour”
Blood, Guts and Egregore
The myth of the Givenchy
The Call Waiting of Cthulhu

Avatar sands
SHA-Hulud
Engrave robbers
Ishtarbitrage
Qwertzalcoatl
Of Cannons and Canonicity
$HASHlet: Peer of DAOnmark
To Rococo's Basilisk

The Goblindy Effect
A Hole, Greater Than The Sum of Its Parts
Not Your Keys, Not Your Soul
Post. Mail. Telegram. Morse. Pigeon. Smoke. Signal.
Public Klee Cryptography
The clockstasy of communication
Trepidation, trepanation, tarotprenation
Baudrillard a hole in your head

(draws cards)
THE TOWER, 10 OF SWORDS, THE FOOL
The greatest inventor of his degeneration
For I Have Tasted The Insane Root of the Merkle Tree
And so it was foretold, written in the STARTS
NO CROPS. NO VEILS. GOBLINEAR FUCKING TIME.

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